“I didn’t understand my own child”: Why Saskia Müller founded Stellamia

Becoming a parent is not difficult. Being a parent, however, is.

As soon as the first child arrives, parenting guides, opinions, and well-meaning tips flood parents. But what happens when all these recommendations don’t help? When your own child remains a mystery?

Saskia Müller found herself at exactly this point. The communications consultant, Munich Startup Expert, and founder of Stellamia had the feeling she didn’t understand her own child and asked herself a question that eventually led to a startup.

“I don’t understand my own child. And as a communications trainer, that shouldn’t happen to me, I thought back then. I was really at a point where I didn’t know what to do and I thought: this can’t be right.”

This realization was Müller’s starting point for searching for individual answers rather than general parenting wisdom, as she explains in the video cast Pitch & People. While classic parenting guides provided her with many tips, they didn’t explain why her daughter showed certain behaviors and other children reacted completely differently.

The search for an individual perspective on children

Müller has been working with type-appropriate communication for many years. In companies, models like DISC or Insights help people understand each other better and adapt communication styles. Why shouldn’t this principle work with children too, she asked herself. After all, young children often can’t express what’s going on inside them.

By chance, she came across personality profiles based on birth dates. At first, she was skeptical, but the results surprised her so much that she began testing the concept with families in her circle.

The reactions were always similar: parents recognized their children in the descriptions. From these experiences, Stellamia eventually developed: The startup creates individual children’s books based on birth dates. According to Müller, the goal is not to leave parents alone with an analysis. Rather, the insights should be translated into concrete support for everyday family life through communication and educational approaches.

Understanding instead of optimizing

At the center of the concept is an idea that Müller emphasizes repeatedly in her interview with Munich Startup: children don’t need to be changed.

“You don’t have to optimize your child. You don’t have to optimize yourself either. You just have to understand. Because when you understand, many things become easier.”

With this, Stellamia deliberately positions itself against society’s constant drive for self-optimization. Instead of searching for the one perfect parenting approach, parents should learn to recognize their child’s individual needs.

For Müller, that’s exactly where more relaxed parenting begins. When you understand why a child acts a certain way, you can interpret conflicts differently and react more calmly.

“There are no difficult children”

This attitude becomes particularly clear when addressing a question that probably concerns many parents: are there difficult children? Müller’s answer is unambiguous.

“There are no difficult children. Your child is not difficult, they are unique, just like you. And when you understand that, many things run much more smoothly.”

Every child brings their own needs, strengths, and behaviors. What parents find exhausting is often an expression of this individual personality. The real challenge is figuring out what lies behind certain reactions.

As an example, the founder cites her own daughter. Her strong need for autonomy regularly led to conflicts. It wasn’t until Müller began giving her daughter small choices that the dynamic changed.

Instead of issuing instructions, she asked questions: Do you want to brush your teeth first or put on your pajamas first? This single change led to significantly more cooperation.

When understanding transforms everyday family life

The founder reports that working on Stellamia has also sustainably changed her own relationship with her daughter. Understanding that her daughter has different sides within her has been particularly helpful: spirited and assertive at home, yet reserved and cautious in unfamiliar situations.

“Suddenly it all really clicked for me. She has a very sensitive core and she scans people first and needs an incredibly long time to build trust.”

Previously, she had tried to encourage her daughter to be more open. Today, she can better understand and accept many situations. This relieves not only the child but also herself as a mother.

Positive responses from parents and educators

That Stellamia is striking a nerve is evident from user feedback, according to Müller. She has been particularly impressed by responses from educational professionals.

A kindergarten teacher told her that the descriptions matched about 95 percent of the time and many of the suggested communication approaches aligned with the methods she uses in her daily work.

Such feedback is particularly valuable to the founder. It shows that the product resonates not only with parents but also with people who work with children every day.

From book to long-term parental support

Originally, Stellamia was intended as a special birth gift – something lasting with practical value. In the meantime, the vision has expanded significantly.

The startup is currently working on a crowdfunding campaign. The plan is to have age-specific companions for different developmental phases – from the first months of life to school entry. In the long term, Stellamia wants to support parents over many years and eventually build a platform or app.
For Müller, it’s about more than parenting tips; it’s about the relationship between parents and children.

“Connection before parenting.”

The founder cites this sentence as one of her most important beliefs. Parents often search for universal solutions. What’s crucial, however, is an individual perspective on your own child. Those who build this connection can resolve conflicts better and create a more relaxed everyday family life.